Football – For Girls

It’s the time of year for the NFL to begin. Fa la la la la, la la la la. This means that men spend their time studying statistics and drafting fantasy players. The start of the NFL for women might be the same or something completely different.

Women may be able to tell their husbands everything on Sundays, such as that they have wrecked their car or that they are having an affair. Their husbands will respond with “Oh, that’s nice honey.” When it comes down to football, many men are in a trance from August through February.

It is easy to understand why men are obsessed with football. But, this obsession is not limited to males. Football is a sport that involves well-built, attractive men wearing tight clothes. Why aren’t there more women watching football?

While some women might find the rules and laws frustrating, there are no rules that can be ignored by women. It takes only a basic understanding.

The Essentials – Football is an intense game between two teams. Each team tries to score more points by moving a ball made from pigskin. It is a game that is driven by selfish motives. Every player wants the ball, each team wants to win and nobody ever feels sorry for a pig.

Each team has eleven men on the field at any given time. The offense is the player who has the ball. Their goal is to move it down the field and score some points. They can move the ball by running, throwing, or flirting. They are known as the defense. Their goal is to stop the offense from gaining possession of the ball. You can do this by interception (catching an offensive pass), recovering a throw (grabbing an offensive ball), pushing an offensive person out of bounds or tackling (pulling an offensive member to the ground until his knee touches the ground).

The cornerstone of the game is ten yard increments over a 100-yard field. (Yes, ladies, this only further perpetuates men’s obsession about length). The offense gets four chances (or downs) to get these ten yards. A team that goes beyond ten yards is awarded a first down. They also have four chances to go further ten yards. Coaches yell at their teams to get them to go ten yards. Innocent clipboards are then thrown to ground and the ball is handed over to the opposing team. The roles are reversed.

Referees: Seven officials are assigned to certain areas on the field and oversee each live sports stream game. The rule of thumb is that if the refs call in favor or against the opposing team, they are considered blind degenerates and should be taken out onto the streets to be shot. It is always the fault of the ref if the opposing team wins.